Mind Blowing Sex Tips From The Experts!

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Dr Debra Laino is a certified sexologist, therapist and national
speaker on topics of human sexuality and health
The issue: A couple of months ago my friend farted loudly during
sex. It had never happened to her before and she was mortified
for days.
The advice: “It happens!” I told her. I also said that if her partner
was turned off by this totally NATURAL bodily occurrence, then
they were living in a fantasy and not worth her time. I also pointed
out that if she continued to put pressure on herself never to pass
gas ever again during sex, then sex would become awkward for
It might sound simple but the best thing to do in situations like
this is to laugh about them. Embarrassment comes from taking
ourselves too seriously, or setting expectations that aren’t
always attainable or realistic. Sex gets hit hard when it comes
to concepts of perfection but no one is perfect: we’re human.
And we fart. Having a sense of humour about our eruptions, and
ourselves, takes the edge off and can bring you and your partner
closer together.
Dr Tanisha M. Ranger is a licensed psychologist, certified sex
addiction therapist and owner of Insight to Action LLC
The issue: One area I frequently get asked about from my friends,
probably because I specialise in helping people with a sexual
addiction, is whether masturbating every day, watching porn or
engaging in consensual BDSM makes them a sex addict.
The advice: I tell them that when it comes to sexual addiction,
it’s not about what you do – it’s about what those consensual
sexual activities are doing to you. So if they’re not preventing you
from maintaining and nurturing your relationships, fulfilling your
obligations at work or feeling good about yourself then, no, you’re
probably not dealing with sex addiction.
I also remind them that masturbation isn’t a negative thing – it’s a
fabulous way to explore and satisfy your body and your sexuality
on your own terms. But if you notice a negative pattern in your
sexual behaviour, such as masturbating because you’re avoiding
dealing with an emotion, watching so much porn that you’re
missing out on important things, or not being able to engage
sexually without a dominant/submissive aspect like spanking or
binding – that’s when it can be problematic, and it’s best to see a
therapist. They can help you manage your emotions and provide
strategies to overcome any negative associations to do with sex.
Dr Jennifer Gunsaullus is a sociologist, sexologist and
relationship, intimacy and sex coach
The issue: I’ve had girlfriends come to me about pain during sex,
which unfortunately is really common. In one national study, a
third of women said they experienced pain during their last sexual

The advice: After reassuring them that they’re not alone, I tell
my friends there can be many reasons for sexual pain, and if it’s
happening every time they have sex, or is particularly painful,
they should see a doctor. Sometimes it’s a medical condition
like vaginismus (when the vaginal muscles contract or tighten
when you try to insert something into it) or vulvodynia (a burning
sensation on the vulva). But one of the most common causes is
friction and tension from lack of lubrication and arousal.
I asked one friend if things ‘moved quickly’ when she and her
husband had sex? She said they went straight to intercourse
within a few minutes. Ouch! Even if we think we’re raring to go,
mental arousal can happen before blood flow to the genitals and
production of natural lube. If you haven’t warmed up for sex –
and it can take 20 minutes for vaginal tissues to get sufficiently
lubricated – penetration is going to be a pain.
It sounds simple but the solution can be slowing down and
enjoying non-intercourse sexual play first. I reminded her that
foreplay shouldn’t be an optional add-on to sex; it’s essential for
female pleasure. I then asked what got her excited, and how she
liked to be touched? She said she liked knowing her husband’s
hopes for sex in advance, so she could shift gears into thinking
about sex. She also liked it when he slowly kissed her neck and
breasts, while sharing why he was attracted to her. It made her
feel sexy and relaxed. I told her to share this with her husband so
that they could approach this as a team. The next time we met,
she said they were moving more at her body’s pace, noticing her
breathing and being aware of whether she was aroused or tense
– and after a few months, pleasure had replaced the pain.

MN Magazine

MN Magazine

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